Relation Frustrations.

It’s obvious from the title that this isn’t going to be a skincare post.

So, this has been my first blog post in months, needless to say it has been well overdue. Sometimes we get wrapped up in the bustle of our daily life and we stress over the minutiae aspects that they can overwhelm and even consume valuable time. It is safe to say that I essentially lost track of my few main priorities in an attempt to juggle all my responsibilities and duties.

But if I’m completely honest with you and I, most of my precious time was spent wracking my brain about what I was to do regarding my relationship. Trouble in paradise, as ‘cringey’ as it is to admit. In all honesty the past few months, which is pretty much the whole of this new year (if we can still call it that), has been stressful and disappointing relationship-wise and channelling so much energy and attention into sustaining an unstable relationship has honestly caused me to lose focus of my other goals. Now my interest in everything I was once immersed in is now wavering and I see myself feigning interest with everything outside my immediate self and my private sphere relationship with my boyfriend. Every day is an argument and every night is a fight for a solution. Thank God it’s midnight is all I can say.

So, I’ve written this blog post more as a means of purging my ‘troubles’, so that I can accept and move on from them. So, here’s to a fresh start; to taking back control of my happiness; to let sleeping dogs lie; and hope for a better tomorrow.

The Conception

I decided to create this blog after repeated recommendation and encouragement from my boyfriend and I thank him for being my number one supporter, else this venture would have never come into fruition. This blog will essentially detail my ups and downs as i partake on a personal holistic and semi-natural skin care journey. I will also be sharing topical and oral medicinal aids that I use to conquer my many skin problems, as well as a few sporadic ad-hoc hair care posts. I will also be sharing personal milestones with you all, as well as timely updated progress on my journey.

There seems no better way to dive into this web-log launch than with a testimonial as to my reasoning behind wanting (or needing) to embark on a skin care journey.

In the Summer of 2012, I had just graduated from my time in compulsory education (Secondary as it’s called locally) and for the first time I was left to 3 long and liberated Summer months to spend however I wanted. In London we, the city, were hosting the Olympic games in my home town and so most people, my friends included, had their hands full. So I was left in the company of my then boyfriend as my mum was also immersed in her last months of University. I had also received my National Insurance and was just about old enough to work; though of course just finishing my exams meant that I had no money and no job. Regardless I felt immensely grown up.

So I spent the holidays with my then-partner who at the time I didn’t realise was abusive and manipulative, and i know it sounds ridiculous but i found myself changing myself…over a guy. not for attention as I was very self-sure but I trusted him and believed that any criticism from him was constructive and in my best interests. The curse of naivety can be the bane of teenage existence. Now it seems apparent that being unnoticed and of short stature damaged his own ego and amour propre and in hindsight my popularity and confidence must have caused greater injury. In any case, I’d take in his little remarks and say to myself “fixing myself makes me a better person”, though at the time i never truly realised that we must accept ourselves first and one major niggle he kept on finding was with my skin. From its complexion to the few barely-there acne scars I’d have on the edges of my face. I ultimately ignored the remarks until one day when it got tiresome and I’d carelessly* had enough.

So me being a perfectionist and doing nothing by halves, but me also being young, dumb and not researching products, went ahead and used somethings that changed my skin for the worse, and  6 years down the line I’ve been dealing with it practically everyday every since. Harsh comments, sneers, sniggers, avoidance and repulsion. In some ways it changed my social life significantly. I lost a lot of friends, albeit fake friends, but I always had the support of my current and long-term boyfriend, affirming and not compelling me to fix what was more imperfect than my ‘normal’ skin condition. But after seeing how negatively affected I had been by this ‘semi-traumatic’ event he encouraged me to embark on a wholly personal journey for me to look into myself and have the courage to change what I want to change and to learn to be the same confident and happy person that I was and deserve to be.

I hope to share more personal insights and experiences and connect with readers and fellow bloggers on a personal level as it makes the experience all the more tangible, palatable – and hopefully more interactive. My endgame wouldn’t be for me to bore you. And with that let the inauguration commence as I go on to tackle my first real derma post. x